you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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