Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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