she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
