yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
