I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize