He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
