I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize