apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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