she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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