i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
