let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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