I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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