I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
