i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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