I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
