remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so let's talk penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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