woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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