This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
