So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
