Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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