I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
