I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
