Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
