you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
