a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
