Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
