shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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