The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
