I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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