none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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