I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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