I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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