I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
