this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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