I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
