I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize