On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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