Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
