just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
