You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
