You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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