god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
