Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
