I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
