I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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