you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
