Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
soo... how was my night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
