guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
