he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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