going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
MIDGETS
????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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