Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
