a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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