i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
