I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
