There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
