I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize