we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize