I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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