It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
