remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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