It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
