She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
