history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
